In a legal drama that could only unfold in the land where kangaroos outnumber politicians with common sense, an Australian inmate has filed an official human-rights complaint demanding unrestricted access to Vegemite — the nation’s favorite salty, fermented metaphor for resilience.

In what French officials are calling both “a tragedy and a teachable moment,” thieves made off with over $100 million in jewels from the Louvre early Monday morning—after effortlessly bypassing the museum’s security system, which reportedly used “Louvre” as its password.

In a shocking development that rattled both Capitol Hill and the NASDAQ, Rep. Nancy Pelosi announced her retirement from Congress — sparking panic among day traders who’ve long relied on her uncanny ability to “predict” market swings before they happen.

In a nation divided on nearly everything, there’s one debate that truly exposes the cracks in our civilization: Is a Twix bar food or fun?

In a bold move that linguists are calling “either avant-garde or a cry for help,” Dictionary.com announced that its 2025 Word of the Year is “6-7′.”

Democrats across America were left in collective disarray this week as footage emerged of tens of thousands of Israelis cheering for U.S. President Donald Trump — the very man they had spent years branding as “literally Hitler.”

As the federal government entered its latest shutdown, something remarkable happened: Americans discovered they could still order coffee, binge Netflix, and argue online without federal oversight.

In his latest quest to liberate the internet from mediocrity, Elon Musk has unveiled “Grokipedia,” a rival to Wikipedia designed to harness AI’s “superior ability to gaslight humanity at scale.”

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, congressional lawmakers quietly unloaded shares of Tylenol just before controversy over a possible autism link sent the stock tumbling.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer is warning that a government shutdown is imminent, but ordinary Americans are quietly wondering if that might actually be the best thing to happen to them all year.

In a stunning turn of events, China has announced that it will, for the first time, vow to reduce greenhouse gas emissions — a pledge that comes only after decades of pumping out enough smoke to make the Industrial Revolution look like a backyard barbecue.